[15 Nov 2005|06:11pm] dont ask questions. just go here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/teenageangstxox/46297.html?view=188889#t188889 & comment like a crazy whoreeee 1 comment|post comment

[08 Sep 2005|05:07pm] this is from chickensoup for the soul. i liked it. so here it is:   things i wish i`d known: i would listen more carefully to what my heart says i would enjoy more... worry less i would know that school would end soon enough and work would well..... nevermind i wouldn`t worry so much about what other people were thinking i would appreciate all my vitality and tight skin i would play more, fret less i would know that my beauty/handsomeness was in my love of life i would know how much my parents love me and i would believe they are doing the best they can i would enjoy the feeling of "being in love" and not worry so much about how it works out i would know that it probably won`t.. but something better will come along i wouldn`t be afraid of acting like a kid i would be braver i would look for the good qualities in everyone and enjoy them for those i would not hang out with people just because they`re "popular" i would take dance lessons i would enjoy my body just the way it is i would trust my girlfriends. i would be a trustworthy girlfriend i would trust my girlfriends i wouldn`t trust my boyfriends (just kidding) i would enjoy kissing. really enjoy it. i would be more appreciative and grateful, for sure. post comment

[06 Sep 2005|10:02pm] i'm in way over my head   spare me no part for kindness' sake; be harsh;       what a fool is here, what drooping dunce of dreams? or can it be, friend, that you love to suffer? post comment

[03 Sep 2005|10:26pm] today started off terrible. i love my friends though. i went into work basically crying. psh yea i dont want to talk about that. but everythings good now. at work i wanted to go like insane cause it was SO busy. then i went ouut with my friends and we had fun as usual. so everythign ended good. a certain someone is mad at me cause i never called. but i'd be mad at me too. i am mad at me too for not calling. but w/e cant change that ..it's the good life.. post comment

[31 Aug 2005|05:01pm] so today was alright. school went fine. im terrified for ap bio...its such an interesting class (i know that sounds so dorky but its true) but i know the work is going to kill me and i wont be able to keep up. but we'll see how it goes. so after school i go to work (i heart you sar for driving me) and psh yea i decided im going to stay if i can get saturdays off. so hopefully that will work out ... even though I REALLLY want to work at a day care. its all good. and EW some guy was hitting on me. some OLD guy. he was like "oh you have nice eyes baby (ew yea, he called me baby) you must have six boyfriends" i said "ha? no" (mistake i should have said yes) then he just kept calling me baby and when i told him the price he was like "what do you need baby?" and ewww it was jsut **shiver** i hope he never comes in again cause i didnt know what to say to the dude. ew. post comment

[29 Aug 2005|10:06pm] this summer was amazing. i have so many mememories of this summer that are so hard to let go of. i love my old friends to death. and im going to miss all of our new friends. i've never been this upset to go back to school but im going to miss the block and oh gosh. im going to stop. :( post comment

[19 Aug 2005|09:39pm] so i went on vacation with my familiy. and it was better than expected. i don't feel like typing about all of it...but cape may and wildwoods is really fun. the board walk is huge..it has some amusement parks on it...me and my sister had fun at them..the beach is amazing and it has awesome waves...we got so scratched up from the sand and stuff...you couldnt even stand up without being pushed down again by another wave....they weren't as big as those waves in cali though...they were awsome. but thats okay... we also saw like...a kabajillion dolphins which was cool...so we went bike riding for like 10 miles..which was oddly fun...and went on this dolphin thing and that was really fun. i decided that i am very against dolphins being caged..the guy said that the show flipper..(an old tv series i guess) went through 5 dolphins cause they kept dying so fast from being caged...and like dolphins who are caged and trained only live for like 3 years...i understand if they're injured...but i like dolphins and dont want to see them dye so i therefore do not like the idea of caged dolphins. the thing we went on was really cool though. it was like a fairy ride but the dolphins in the water seemed trained. i mean i know they werent but they jumped and like rode in the boats waves and slapped their tales on the water. they made me happy. i wish i could be a dolphin lol. so anyways it was fun. the night we came home me and my sister went to a bridal shower type thing for my cousin. it's so werid that my cousin is getting married. like, shes my cousin? i grew up with her..and shes getting married. hard emotion to explain i guess...i kinda am excited to get married though, i have to say. it sounds like fun. she was telling us about how frank asked her and stuff..and all these cute things he's been doing. so that was cute. we went to dinner at this yaht in fairfield. it took us an hour and a half, jsut to get our food. it was yummy though. i had a very delicious salad. so the weddings this friday, and i'm excited cause weddings are happy. today i went to mich's tubing-birthday-party. it was fun. the mornign was extremely hectic..but once i left my house it was all good. the water was very very cold and the rocks were slimy and fury and it got kinda eh after a while..but it was fun..then we hung out at michelle's ..got pizza and then went to the movies to see red eye. it was good, some parts were dumb..it was a good movie over all though. the annoying 12yr old girls who screamed every 5 seconds was realllyyyy annoying though. hhaha why would you scream in the movies? but whatev. it was fun. and i like m&ms. so i came home and my sisters leaving tomorrow. which is terrible. it's like my brother and sister are gone. sister comes home. brother comes home. brother leaves. sister. leaves. same thing again and again. i hate being the only child home..my parents drive me INSANE. they constantly ask me "how was your day today? how was your day yesterday? hows the weather? what did you do today? did you do your homework? do you have any hoem work? what are you doing tomorrow? what are you doing this weekend?" its just liek LEAVE ME ALONE. then they get all mad at me for being such a terrible daughter who hates talking to her parents cause all they do is badger. then i have a break down. it's a lovely cycle. (to all those who hate your older brother and/or sister - pretty soon you will be missing them like crazy because they are the only normal ones in your family and you will be coutning down the days until the come home....and to all those who hate your little brother and/or sister - just know that when you leave, they really do miss you) so i guess thats all for now. except i have one more thing to complain about. when i was with my cousins they terrified me for like the next 2 years of my life. i mean senior year is always known as a drama filled year. psh i hate drama. like every senior i know..my cousins/friends/and sister had such a drama year with friends. my cousin was talking about how she lost so many friends cause they were so guy obsessed and stuff. don't you hate it when you have a friend who dumps her friends for a guy. then they break up and come crawling back. like i don't really have any friends like that at all, for the most part. but all my cousins are like IT WILL HAPPEN THIS YEAR. and im liek thanks for tellng me thing. and i know im just babbling..but i've got a lot to say lol...i just thinkg its so messed up how some one could ditch their friend for a guy. guys are stupid. they mess up everything. but that has nothing to do with what im talking about...but i really don't want my senior year filled with drama. its going to be stressfull enough with the whole college thing... the whole college thing. and sats. oh man i can't stand that thought. i never want next summer to come. i really dont want to go away. i mean, of course i do, and i'm excited for it because i know im going to love getting away..meeting new poeple..staying in a dorm. i just don't like the process of leaving and change. my home isnt going to be my home any more. im going to have new friends. my friends are going to have new friends. not only is it going to be so werid/sad/horrible leaving all my friends... but they all aren't really going to be a part of my life anymore. i really hate that thought. okay, so maybe i should stop thinking, and just worry about what i'm doing tomorrow. :) 2 comments|post comment

[13 Aug 2005|10:38pm] i'm covered in mud tired drenched in sweat i have a headache i've been crowed-surfed upon i've been squished pushed and pulled yet, warped tour was amazing.   thats all i have to say. 1 comment|post comment

[09 Aug 2005|02:56pm] today i worked, once again. working at beechwood is not nearly as bad as i had anticipated. i expected just beeping item after item on the cash register..but its really not like that... plus soo many of my friends and other people i know work there such as michelle...missy...tony (madars friend)...dave (kid from school)...and jason r.s brother..(funny dude) and so its fun....today chris came in. i havent seen him in so long! i miss study lol... he mentioned going to 6flags thursday..but i dont think i can cause i have to work :( BAH that makes me so sad so yea. tahts all for now. my feet are in high levels of pain. ow. post comment

[08 Aug 2005|06:32pm] the last couple of days i've beeen soooooooooo tired. saturday..i cant remember what i did but im thinking i ended up at the blocc oh oyea i slept over sar's i think maybe not idk sunday ... we went to the block...it was cool. gus has a cute dog. patty. shes cute. i like your dog gus. today i went to work it was fun? then iwent to my grandmas then to the mall now im here. the end. 1 comment|post comment

[06 Aug 2005|06:06pm] [ mood | exhausted ] this weeks been a blastttt almost everynight sar nikki and me go to the block hahah its a lot of fun...last night got a little crazy when sar left us for a bit....hahahaha...but me and nikki survived through it....then we went to sar's house and slept over...we ate some extremely tasty chocolate cake ..... then we went job hunting and they got applications to fye...pac sun..aero..and american eagle....so they should get jobs....im soooooo tired though...yawn* maybe i'll take a nap before our adventure tonight.... 1 comment|post comment

hoorayy [04 Aug 2005|11:17am] i blew dryed my hair. (that sounds werid..blew dryed...) w/e... i hate blow drying my hair. and i got a job a beechwoods! :) i have to go in tomorrow from 9:30-12:30 to "train" and to fill out papers. fun fun. but woo im going to have moneyyyyyyyyyyyyy me sar and nikki had an awsome time a six flags yesterday :) last but not least, my bunny died :( but its okay i guess.... 2 comments|post comment

[31 Jul 2005|09:52am] last time i hung out with jess...we reminiced a lot..a real lot lol...wow we had the life when we were little...so many memories with that girl....it made me want to be six again and i found this on some community..and fell in love with it cause its so true I WANT TO BE SIX AGAIN. I want to go to McDonalds and think it's the best place to eat. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make waves with rocks. I want to think M&M's are better than money because you can eat them. I want to play kickball during recess and stay up Christmas Eve waiting to hear Santa or Rudolph on the roof. I long for the days when life was simple. When all you knew were your colors, the addition tables, and simple nursery rhymes, but it didn't bother you because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. I want to go to school and have snack time, recess, gym, and field trips. I want to be happy, because I don't know what should make me upset. I want to think the world is fair and everyone in it is great. I want to believe anything is possible. Sometime while I was maturing I learned too much. I learned of nuclear weapons, starving children, battered wives, death, unhappy marriages, and abused children. I learned of the unhappiness that exists and like my addition tables, I never forgot it. I want to be six and think that everyone I know including myself will live forever because I don't know the concept of death. I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want television to be something I watch for fun, not something I use for an escape from the things I should be doing. I want to think answering the phone is a privilege not a pain in the neck, and that the bus rides are fun regardless of where I am going, not an inconvenience because I could have driven there faster by car. I want to live not knowing the little things I find exciting will not always make me happy as when I first learned them. I remember not seeing the world as a whole but rather being aware of things which directly concern me. I want to be looking at the picture of life so closely that I can only see the people directly around me--family and friends--as the people who concern me, unaware of the power of government and the possibility I have of being insignificant. I want to be naive enough to think that if I am happy so is everyone else. Because by being aware you take on responsibility, the responsibility to act or to know you didn't and live with the consequences. I want to walk down the beach and think only of the sand under my bare feet and the possibility of finding that blue piece of seaglass that I am looking for. I long for the days when while I walked down the beach it was the only thing I thought of. But those days are gone. I am destined now to walk the beach always thinking other thoughts, worrying other worries, reliving memories good and bad that the beach reminds me of, enjoying the view and air but never completely removing myself from the thinking, worrying, and rethinking that is always going on inside of me. I want to be six again, happy to be alive yet unaware of what life really is, for that matter unaware of what happiness really is. I want to spend my afternoons climbing trees and riding my bike, letting the grown ups worry about time, the dentist, and how to find the money to fix the car's battery. I want to wonder what I'll do when I grow up, not to worry about what I'm going to do after graduation. It's not that I want to live my life over again, I'm basically happy with how things turned out--so far. Rather I want to be able to escape but not have to pay for it later. I want to be able to visit my six year old state of mind, play in my six year old state of mind dirt and swim in my six year old state of mind water. Life was good then but I didn't know enough to realize it. I was so anxious to grow up I spent time, I should have enjoyed being young, acting older. I want that time back. I want to use it now as an escape so that when I have a computer program, six reading assignments, two depressed friends, and second thoughts about my major I can travel back and build a snowman without thinking about anthing except why the snow sticks together and what I could possibly use for the snowman's mouth. 1 comment|post comment

[30 Jul 2005|10:09pm] ( a.b.c. i stole this from lex. a.b.c. ) post comment

[30 Jul 2005|05:59pm] wtf? post comment

[29 Jul 2005|10:14pm] after it rained the night i made my last entry...my bunny started doing alot better..she cleaned up her bloody face and stopped drooling (ew i know bunnies dont druel) shes still having trouble breathing..but not nearly to the extent it was...so im happy. the next hot day my mom says that shes probally going to die..caause shes like 10 years old (which is quite old for a rabbit) and rabbits do not do well in the heat. but at least i'll be a little more prepared. so tonight i went to jessies house in nauggy. i havent seen her in forever so it was cool. first we went to jessies house to pick up jessie...saw lenny quickly..and headed off to derby to her grandparents house..then we followed her parents and brother to milford ryders. her brother came in second place. GOOD JOB DANNY! we like tackled him with hugs. hahaha he hates it when we do that. so then we went back to jessies house and lenny made us some EXTREMELY DELICIOUS PIZZA. it was the best pizza of my life. thank you lenny. he works at a pizza place and mmm mm mmm that was the best pizza i've ever had. we were going to sleep over but my sister had to work and i had previous plans. but its all good. thats all for now. post comment

you are my sunshine..my only sunshine.. [27 Jul 2005|05:09pm] so my rabbit is dyeing. whenever i loook at it i start to cry, i can barely go in my back yard with out going hysterical. she can barely breath..and its really obvious and shes like freaking out she used to be such a laid back rabbit but lately shes been freaking out and hopping out of her cage..sleeping in her water dish..and just doing things she's NEVER done... my mom has had lots of rabbits and told me that shes going to die ( in the nicest way possible so i wouldnt totally freak out) so yesterday my mom told me and so i held it and i could just tell that she was so miserable..and i asked my mom if we should put her to sleep and she said it was up to me...and i was ilke ? you cant leave that up to me...cause i odnt want her to die..but i cant stand seeing her miserable... and today she jumped out of her cage and landed on her face..her face is all bloody, which makes it even harder to look at her...my mom said that when my dad gets home tomorrow we're going to "talk about putting her to sleep" i love my rabbit. i dont want her to die :( 2 comments|post comment

[25 Jul 2005|08:46pm] i'll be seeing you in all the familiar places goshhhhhhh what a day a preschooler bit me. than i sat in the car from 3-6 with cathy. what a day what a day. on the upside, im seeing jess soon :) i havent seen her since like...feb or april vaca? i dont remember which. but thats a whole long time ago. so i cant wait for that. unfortunately some complications come with that...but i'll just blow off those complications and my poor innocent kitty still hasnt returned ... i hope he's okay...or at least alive :( :( what am i going to do... post comment

[22 Jul 2005|05:21pm] 354389759c843dxsdjrocsdjor98*#@&$(*UXMAUOMXS849273sjercausdoau#(*$&(@#*&$jafaoiwue923492934sjo4. 1 comment|post comment

[22 Jul 2005|12:45pm] today i must clean my room. and hopefully find my cat :-\ i dont think he's coming backk 2 comments|post comment

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